Rachael Sage : Notice The Clouds

May 2021

Notice The Clouds

"Notice The Clouds" - 5/31/21

Every day she rereads a few sayings - tweets, collected

By Yoko from a book gifted at her lowest point

A loving friend had a perfect instinct, blessing her

With possibility where she saw none so meditation

Began whether Ono's clever avant brand or Headspace

She ran unbridled flying shoes she'd never noticed

She'd had on taking tours - as recommended - globally

In her own mind. She also relearned the fine practice of

Feeling sorry for a bully and in so doing distilled hope

So now, when taking stock of this familiar behavior

From which she distanced herself internally long ago

Hanging paper wishes on magic trees inside her heart

She flips pages of gratitude quiet with self-awareness

That white noise has no bearing against an ability

To listen, knowingly, and to think no when yes = cruelty

Bottle

"Bottle" - 5/29/21

If I ever forget what it means to be brave

All I have to do is one of these 6 things.

This is a letter to my future self so I don't forget

And you, whosoever finds this are also a witness

Firstly I should put on any record by Beth Hart

There is no one I've ever heard in all my many years

Listening to words and music who captures

With so much grace-humanity courage's full range

Secondly I should take a walk around my own block

Look into the eyes of strangers' tsuris-laden faces

Whatever collective life challenges what strikes most

Is the strength required just to keep city ghosts at bay

Thirdly I should read a biography of anybody I admire

I've never encountered any story of success without

Ample evidence that future's hope sprang full-force

From the darkest, deepest, irrefutable obstacle course

Fourth I should meditate on what it must be like

To be a chemical addict of any kind, and to choose

With whole heart, to commit to recovery knowing

Relapse is a distinct possibility but embracing hope

Fifth I should remember the ancestors

Crossing deep waters not looking back

Leaving everything irrevocably behind for a new

Kind of frightening, boldly believing in the ephemeral

Lastly I should picture your face's soft resilience

Weathered and rich with experience's grace

But youthful as any teenager's free dance

Roller disco laugh-lines lancing back illness' enmity

Stars

"Stars" - 5/28/21

For the better part of my 20's

I didn't let anyone into my apartment

I was a "workaholic" whose personal space became

A kind of chaotic receptacle for things I'd defer

Unless I absolutely had to confront; hyper-focused

Next door, I rented an office and from

Those humble beginnings sprang

A two decades dream that at times has also been

A kind of dystopia from which I couldn't wake

And yet the addiction to possibility vs. process

Itself came to feel so familiar and numbingly

Real that potential's grip could no longer hold

Out-of-body my soul hovered haplessly shouting

Names like promising, persistent, cell-resounding

Memories of a level of confidence long unlaced

Seeped from hope's pores it's seemed sometimes

That faith's inability to pick up on fraud's fears, faced

Has left surfaces more exposed than should be legal

Vulnerability veering from shame to shivering

Dependability eluding expectations' pendulum swing

Hiding in corners evading love's white light

Embarrassed and rattled by late-stage stage fright

What if I've said everything elegant I have to say

And now is the time to simply be quiet or pray

Who'll show up on the other side of unknowing

Molten lava, shape-shifting, ghost-glowing

Don't leave me is a selfish thing to say

When reality dictates we can never leave

What we truly are and time is a trilogy of

Suffering so far, healing, then fear set free

I've balance-backslided lately in spite of green tea

Slipping on peels of PTSD and no one else

Can pick them off this concrete floor but me

So don't wait but rather shine your brightest light

G-d willing after loss' time-lapse all will see stars

(Including me too, eventually)

Memory Loss

"Memory Loss" - 5/26/21

When I am at my lowest points

And know the answer's in plain sight

Hiding beneath a this or that

A worn out shoe, an old felt hat

When all I see is loss-obscured

And victory's a worn out ward

Allergic to the touch of calm

That emanates from love's thick balm

When I am screaming silent cues

For help and empathy's red hues

Not capable myself of dialing

Numbers raw with sanctifying

When I am in this darkness-place

Chaos climbing in ivy twists

I picture your 'candescent face

Tinctures transforming tears to mist

As if to whisper "rise again

And when you do your break will bend

Your no will yes with multitudes"

Taut with this hope my heart colludes

Oxygen

"Oxygen" - 5/24/21

When you give and give and give
And you know it makes a difference
It is a gratifying thing, a precious thing, a gossamer
Web of soulful beauty butterfly escaping prismatic cells of want

When you live and live and live
And you know your days contain progress
It is a clarifying ring, a sound as pure as rainfall
Drops of hopeful empathy foals finding legs petals seeking sun

When you lie and lie and lie
Down motionless while sirens wail outside windows
Knowing they're echoing warnings, depths of sorrow's woe
What to do as hope's answers elude and history's embers glow?

I hold you now with the knowledge that exhaustion must rest
I see your face with a non-judgmental magnifying glass, best
I hold your hand and feel its skin-breath soft with forgiveness
Yielding to oxygen's ephemeral slow-dance with restlessness

gauze

"gauze" - 5/24/21

Who am I if I do not write songs?

To what tribe do these myriad molecules belong?

When words do not come, symbiotically,

With melody for months and months

When a year's entirety stretches out indulgently

A carcass of defeat gesticulating "goddess I am lost"

It makes no difference who is cheering on

From the sidelines, offering assurances

All that matters in these moments of water-treading

Fatigue-wrestling (insomnia's faucet ever on)

Is that the spirit is struggling and in these moments

One must turn inward like a red rose at night

Replenishing the only way angels offer how

By bearing witness to the here and now

So, with regret and rebirth in equal measure

I denounce useless impatience in favor

Of useful irreverence which for now equals truth's expanse

Inevitable kiddush hailing self's immeasurable second chance